thetr3ndsetter: (Default)
2011-02-18 07:55 pm

(no subject)

I'm still hoping that this entire thing is a sick cruel joke. Some of the stuff that was posted in that entry just doesn't sit right with me. Though I think if it was a lie he would have messed it up by now.

I guess I just don't want to think of him as being gone. I wish things could have gone a lot better between us. I might not have been the best sibling to have but I was trying to get us closer again. He just seemed so intent on hating me and blaming me for everything that went wrong. It really hurts to think that he died while hating me just as much as ever if not more.

When I was younger I used to see those tv show families where everyone is so close and the older brother sticks up for the younger brother. It bugged me, I always wondered why it wasn't like that between Cole and I. He would sooner trip me down a flight of stairs or set me up to have the shit kicked out of me than he would to stand up for me. I know because both of those things happened to me before. It was either that or he was threatening to punch me around or actually punching me around.

I don't know where I'm going with this anymore. I just wish things could have gone better between us. I wish I had a second chance to get to know him better. It's hard to accept that things ended up like they did.